User blog:Charlie the Penguin/chocolate.docx
Happy Easter everyone! ---- In the Coffee Break Room… Gary: Alright people, something needs to be done, and something needs to be done fast. Charlie: Um, what do you mean? Gary: We’ve almost reached the halfway point of penguinƨ.doc, and I think we’re starting to lose our audience! Sasquatch: Wut maks u think dat? Gary: *points to presentation board* If my calculations are to be correct, user support for the series has decreased 25% since it gained sudden popularity at the end of Season 1! Wingman: *is reading baws.doc on the computer* Heh, heh… These things were so stupid back then… Charlie: Shush! You’ll call attention back to them!! Rookie: So Gary, what are you suggesting we do? Gary: We need to find the root of the problem, so we’re going to spend the rest of this discussion throwing Charlie under the bus. Charlie: :| Smulley Superior: I would like to cast my theory, and that is that these stories are simply becoming less funny. Everyone murmurs in agreement Charlie: Woah, what? They’re not that un-funny, are they? Jay: No, my stories are just a thousand times funnier by comparison. Gary: Jay, what are you doing here? You’re not a main character of this series! Jay: Neither are you, and you’re the one who’s running the whole meeting. Gary: ...Touché. Jay: Well, Easter is coming up, how about you do an Easter special of some sort? Unlike your past episodes, it doesn’t have to be part of an ongoing story and you can make it as weird and random as you like! Charlie: But I don’t have a plot idea yet and Easter is... *checks spyphone* ...holy crap it's today!! Jay: Oh... *checks watch* I guess I forgot that I took it with me while time-traveling... Kris: Don’t worry Charlie, we can help you out. It’ll be like an improv play- we’ll make everything up on the spot. Gracie: Isn’t that what we always do? Kris: Shhh! Someone'll hear you! Charlie: Alright then, we can do it, but I need a vague prompt. What’s the main idea? Wingman: Hmmm… well, the Easter Bunny hasn’t been seen for a long time, so maybe we coul- Charlie: Perfect! *starts typing on laptop* Victoria: So, what about those of us that aren’t going to be in this episode? Scorn: *is cramped between the ceiling and the floor* I don’t even know why you still call me to these things, I was killed off in Season 1! Charlie: Um, you guys can be, uh, the first readers! Pixie: We’re all always the first readers. Charlie: Um… I’ll think of something. Sasquatch, you can be the stand-in for me. Sasquatch: Not dat I’m complaning, but y meh? Charlie: Because you’re the only other one here with a party hat. Sasquatch: Ohhhhh, okey. ...U kno, I actualy got dis hat from Pen-goo-in Storm, it’s ju- Aunt Arctic: Wait, but what if Sasquatch is in this episode? Charlie: Hmmm, good point… okay, Herbert, you’re Sasquatch’s stand-in. Herbert: Wait a second. Sasqautch is your stand-in and I’m Sasquatch’s stand-in? Wouldn’t it just be easier t- Gary: *suddenly has a megaphone* And… ACTION! Herbert: *quickly hurries to position* chocolate.docx One day in the wild puffle-infested wilderness of Club Penguin... Charlie: *is sitting on a log* I’m bored. Wingman: *relaxes on a little self-generated cloud* Me too. Charlie: I feel like there’s something I used to always look forward to at this time of year, but I can’t remember anymore. Wingman: Wasn’t there like some sort of bunny that used to come every year who always came on a different day to drive people insane by having to reschedule all these holiday events, but made up for it by bringing chocolate and stuff? Pixie: *runs over* DID SOMEBODY SAY CHOCOLATE?! Charlie: Oh, yeah. *yawns* I remember. I wonder what ever happened to that guy, anyway. Pixie: What if we went on an epic journey to find where the Easter Bunny is and how to get him to come back, all the while learning important life lessons like faith, trust, and friendship? Wingman: Nah… Charlie: You had me until we suddenly turned into the Care Bears. Wingman: *whispers* I thought the line was “MLPs”... Charlie: *whispers back* If I say that everyone’ll get ticked off at me. Wingman: Good point. Pixie: Well, there’s gotta be SOMETHING we can do! *leans against tree* My chocolate withdrawals are getting worse by the second! *looks at tree* Wait a minute… *sees brown tree trunk, suddenly hallucinating that it’s chocolate* OMG IT WAS HERE ALL ALONG *swallows tree whole* Charlie: *realizes that he’s wearing a brown shirt, takes it off and tosses it over his shoulder* #Nope Sasquatch walks by Wingman: Sasquatch?! I thought you were in prison! Charlie: *grimaces* And rightfully so. Sasquatch: Yah, but I got baild out by dat Pee-Ache ladee. Wingman: What?! No one’s seen her for months! Pixie: Yeah, but they’re still having her bot walk around and stuff. Charlie: But that means that the CP Staff bailed him out. But why would they, unless… Sasquatch: *holds up moderator badge* Jelus? Charlie/Wingman/Pixie: YOU’RE A MASCOT?! Sasquatch: Yep! It feelz grate! Say, Charlee, isn’t dis something dat U alwayz wanted? *chuckles smugly* Charlie: But they’re just gonna LET HIM OUT of prison? Have they FORGOTTEN what he did to WINGMAN? Saraapril: Marry me. Charlie: What? Saraapril: Uh, nothing. *disappears* Pixie: Well, it would be weird if they introduced a new character that would be in prison most of the time. *suddenly begins to hallucinate again, taking note of Sasquatch’s brown feathers* CHOCOLATE!!!! *attacks Sasquatch* PixieLil has been kicked from the server. Pixie: *logs back in* Sorry, I don’t know what came over me… Charlie: So now that you’re a mod you’re basically invincible? Sasquatch: Yah, prettie much. Now I get da ful Cee-Pee Staf treetmant! Wingman: But what good is a mascot if no one can understand what he’s saying half the time? Sasquatch: Simpl, dey gave me this retayner thing that makez me talk laik evrywon else. *puts retainer in* See? Now the sasquatch speak just like ordinary penguin! ...Okay, maybe it need some work. Charlie: You sound like Cookie Monster. Sasquatch: The sasquatch not know what a “cookie monster” is, but maybe the sasquatch will meet one someday. Charlie: *rolls eyes* Pixie: Why do you keep referring to yourself as "the Sasquatch"? Sasquatch: Like the sasquatch said, this retainer thing still need some work. Me and Mr. Spike Hike probably will discuss it at our meeting in a few minutes. Wingman: You have a meeting with Spike Hike?! Sasquatch: Yeah, something about the sasquatch’s “branding” as a mascot and stuff. The sasquatch also be signing contract for Spike Hike and his team to build a Sasquatch bot! *hurries off excitedly* Charlie: Great, now there’s gonna be two of him running around. Pixie: He’s had that retainer in for less than a minute and it’s already annoying me. *looks back* What happened to your shirt? Charlie: *uses foot to bury it in the snow* What shirt? Pixie: ...Never mind. Come on guys, how cool would it be if we actually managed to get the Easter Bunny to come back? Charlie: It would be, but I’m pretty sure Club Penguin’s outlawed him from delivering eggs anymore. Pixie: Why is that? Wingman: We tried to get Santa Claus to come back in December, but since Club Penguin’s completely anti-religion now, they forced him to retire. Pixie: And replaced him with a character that’s basically a carbon copy of him? Charlie: Yep. Wingman: Pretty much. Pixie: Well… maybe they’ll do the same for Easter? Charlie: Doubt it, knowing CP these days we would’ve known about it for a while now. Spike Hike: ...And I am very pleased to announce our very next minigame, Card-Jitzu Light! :D Everyone: YAAAAAYYY Spike Hike: ...Coming this November! *troll face* Everyone: … Pixie: ...Yeah, good point. Wingman: Wait a minute, what if we found the Easter Bunny and got him to announce a new holiday that will basically be a clone of Easter but would have a different name, a different color scheme, and have him go by a new alias? Charlie: But no one even knows where the Easter Bunny is now. For all we know he got euthanized at one of those igloo vets by unattended pookies who are trying to feel important. Pixie: Wait a minute, there is someone who could tell us! Someone who took the credit for his work every year because he hates being the subject of everyone’s attention. Someone who did a super bad job of trying to convince everyone that this was all her doing! Aunt Arctic: Woah, what? *nervous laugh* The Easter Bunny doesn’t even exist. He was just a character invented by Cadbury to make Easter more commercial to boost profits! Wingman: *helmet beeps* Sheeeee’s lyyyyyyiiiiiiiing…….. Charlie: So be it then. Wingman, kill her. Wingman: *throws Aunt Arctic into a woodchipper* Aunt Arctic: AHHHHHSNDHHSGD Charlie: WOAH, WOAH!!! CUT!!!!! Sasquatch: What? Charlie: ...What was that?! Wingman: I thought that we were trying to be funny-random. Charlie: Yeah, but... isn't that a bit extreme? Pixie: You do this kind of thing all the time in these stories. Charlie: Fair point, but we need Aunt Arctic to stick around for at least a few more minutes. Rookie: *is Aunt Arctic's stunt double* Can I come out now? *is in a cardboard box marked "Woodchipper" in marker* Charlie: Yeah... ---- Aunt Arctic: *sigh* Fine, I know him. But he made me promise never to tell anyone where he was! Charlie: Since when did you care for other people? Aunt Arctic: Good point... Wingman: Then why don't you tell us? Aunt Arctic: Because like you said, I don't care for other people! *troll face* ---- Gary: Now can they? Charlie: Sure. ---- Pixie: *pushes Aunt Arctic out of the second-story window, where a conveniently-placed woodchipper is sitting directly below* Aunt Arctic: I'LL BE BACK!!! I'VE READ THE RULES OF CARTOON PHYSICS!!!! *lands in woodchipper* Charlie: Where do you get all those things anyway? Wingman: They've got some pretty weird stuff on Penguin Storm... Charlie: *sees the bookshelf* Wait a minute... the archives! *pulls a yearbook off of the shelf* Pixie: What are you doing? Charlie: These books have pictures of every single Easter Egg Hunt combined! We just have to find… aha! Wingman: *floats over* What did you find? Charlie: *quickly flips off of a page advertising proof that the Illuminati exists* Um, uh… this! *points at the background of the second “April” page in the 2007-2008 yearbook* Pixie: It’s called a tree. Charlie: Yeah, but look at this area! Where on all public-accessible areas of Club Penguin can you find this many trees? Wingman: Uh, the Forest? Charlie: Yeah, but does this look like the Forest to you? Wingman: No, it looks like… the wilderness! Pixie: TO THE PUFFLE WILDS! Everyone in the Book Room looks their way, surprised to hear any positive words about the Puffle Wilds room. Pixie: Hey, believe me, we’re only going there because we need to. Everyone shrugs and goes back to what they’re doing. Pixie: Okay seriously though, to the Puffle Wilds! Le epic Batman transition Wingman: Alright guys. Since the Easter Bunny hasn’t shown his face in years, he’s likely not going to come out on the whim of a couple of penguins and a puffle. Luckily for us, I’ve programmed my helmet with a wild creature translator, so I can speak his language and get him to come out here with a special rabbit call. Pixie: *is holding a carrot as bait* But do rabbits even have any distinctive calls to each other? Wingman: I’ve heard them make squeaking sounds like mice before. Charlie: I saw a video on BluTube of one making this really high-pitched scream. Wingman: Exactly. That’s what I’m doing. Pixie: Wait, but how will that make him want to come to y- Wingman: *in rabbit language* YO, RABBIT!!!! DO THE GROUND A FAVOR AND GET THE @#$% OUTSIDE YOU @#$%ING SON OF SPIKE HIKE’S @#$%ING @#$%!!!!!!!!! Charlie: What did you say? Wingman: If the translator was working correctly, I said, “Come on out, we have a carrot.” Suddenly, two soft, pointy things pop out of a nearby burrow. Pixie: IT WORKED!! Charlie: Wait a minute… Sasquatch: *climbs out of burrow* What was weird noise?! Charlie: A better question might be why on Earth you're in a rabbits' den. Sasquatch: ...Soooo, how has your day been? Pixie: *sighs* I guess we’re not gonna be able to find the Easter Bunny… Sasquatch: WHAT?! SHE TELL YOU?! Wingman: Who? Wait… hang on, are you talking about Aunt Arctic?! Charlie: *makes “You Like Krabby Patties Don’t You Squidward” face* No, Sasquatch, she didn’t tell us. Sasquatch: Oh, crud… Um, uh… Well, the sasquatch see you guys around then! *begins to climb back into burrow* Charlie: She didn’t tell us… but I think you just did. Sasquatch: *reluctantly climbs back out* Fiiiiine, it was the sasquatch. Pixie: You were the Easter Bunny all this time?! Sasquatch: Hey, the sasquatch doesn’t understand why everyone thought the sasquatch was a bunny rabbit. Wingman: Maybe it’s because all those pictures of “the Easter Bunny’s silhouette”, we can only see those two huge feathers on the top of your head. Sasquatch: *looks up* Oh yeah, good point. Charlie: But why would you hide eggs everywhere? That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you’d do… Sasquatch: The sasquatch didn’t expect people to be able to find eggs, he was actually trying to hide them for himself. Wingman: Well we can see how that worked out… Pixie: Wait a minute, where did you even get all those eggs, anyway? Sasquatch: ...It’s better if you don’t know. Wingman: Well, we solved the whole mystery of this episode, I’m bored again. *telekinetically pulls out knife and starts stabbing Sasquatch* Sasquatch: AH-ah-AH-ah-AH Charlie: What the?! Wingman, why are you doing that? Wingman: I DON’T KNOW!!!! *throws Sasquatch into woodchipper* Sasquatch: AHHHHHHHHHHHQWERTYUIOPASDFGHHJKLIMTURNINGINTOSALSA!!!!!!!!!!! Pixie: Well, I guess the Easter Bunny won’t be coming back this year… Charlie: Don’t worry, it’s just like Aunt Arctic said. They’ll both be back by the next episode. Pixie: Yeah, but the next episode won’t come out until after Easter’s already over. Charlie: Oh yeah, good point…. Hey, wait a second, I own a chocolate factory! Who needs him? We can put on an Easter Party ourselves with our own chocolate eggs! Several EPF squad cars suddenly pull up and blind them with their headlights. Director: FREEZE!! THIS IS THE EPF!!! Wingman: Aunt Arctic?! But it hasn’t even been a whole episode yet! Officers: HOLY CRAP DIRECTOR, YOU’RE AUNT ARCTIC????!!!!!! Director: *groans and takes a bloody axe out of glove compartment* We’ll sort this all out later. Back to the task at hand, I’m afraid you three are under arrest. Charlie: For what?! Director: For mentioning the awful abomination that is Easter!! Pixie: But Aunt Arctic, you’re the one who used to organize the Easter Egg Hunts! Director: I liked Easter once, but then I was fixed. Meanwhile, at Disney Interactive Headquarters... Spike Hike: BAHAHAHAHAHA Polo Field: Uh, what was that about? Spike Hike: I don’t know, I just had the sudden feeling that an evil laugh suited the moment. Polo Field: ...But we’re in the middle of a meeting. Spike Hike: I know. *has a slightly psychotic smile* Polo Field: Okaaaayyy then… Back to what I was saying… *points to chart* My recent calculations show that our audience unanimously wants to have a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Takeover! Bob Iger: ...That has got to be the most SPECTACULAR IDEA I’VE EVER HEARD!!! :D *signs check for $10000* Megg: *takes* Thanks! I mean, we’ll probably spend all of this money on acquiring the rights to do a My Little Pony party, but thanks! ;) Charlie: Are you seriously going to arrest us just for talking about Easter?! Director: Of course I am! Easter is the worst thing ever because it’s very existence is the most idiotic dumb stupid waste of time I have ever seen in my days. Wingman: What about Christmas? Director: HOLY CRAP HE MENTIONED CHRISTMAS!!! ALL OF YOU ARE SENTENCED TO AN INFINITE BAN!!! Charlie: WAI- Charlie72971 and PixieLil have been permanently banned from the server. Director: Wait, how come you’re still here? Wingman: Sorry Director, but you can’t ban a puffle! Director: Hmm, good point. Well, I guess I can’t execute you… I’ll just have to cut off your- Wingman: *tosses Director into a woodchipper* Director: BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHASFJSIDGJS;FD Wingman: Hah, that never gets old! Officer #1: Uh, oh! Look at the time! I gotta go. *drives away quickly* Officer #2: *checks spyphone* Holy crab the next season of My Little Pony got leaked online! *drives away after him* Charlie72971 and PixieLil have been unbanned because the person who banned them sucks. Charlie: Wow, this has got to have been one of the weirdest days I have ever had… Pixie: Hah, you’re telling me! Charlie: Come on guys, let’s go get some chocolate. It’s on the house! Wingman: Cool! Pixie: Sweet! Kris: Sounds good. Gracie: Count me in! Charlie: Uh, I didn’t remember to put you in this episode, did I? Kris: Nope, and we’re going to follow you around all day to make you regret it. :) Charlie: *sighs* Alright universe, you got any more weird twists you wanna throw at us? ... Charlie: Okay, just making sure. Let’s go! As soon as they leave, the entire Puffle Wild suddenly bursts into flames. Hey everyone, thanks for reading the very last penguinƨ.doc special episode! As always, the comment requirement applies (three comments from three different people telling their favorite part). Oh, and from now on, if you find any mistakes, please don't hesitate to tell me in the comments so I can correct them as soon as possible! Happy Easter! ;) -Charlie the Penguin: Don't just do something, stand there! 06:05, April 5, 2015 (UTC) Category:Blog posts